On A River Of Crystal Light
by Petronius
Summary: A quiet tale where Buffy, Dawn and Willow share pizza and ghosts in the stars. Contains threads from Carpe Diem and If I Should Die Before I Wake but can be read on its own.


**Title: "On a river of crystal light"**  
Author: Petronius 2/5/02  
Spoilers: Early season six   
Summary: Buffy, Willow and Dawn share "pizza."  
Disclaimer: Buffy and the whole gang belong entirely to Joss Whedon, Fox and Mutant Enemy. Jonathan Martel is still mine but Mutant Enemy can have him anytime they want him. The little nursery rhyme is not mine, I just don't know whose.

**Background:**  
The character of Jonathan Martel first appeared in an early fanfic of mine, "Carpe Diem." A seventeenth century telekinetic, the teenage Jonathan was accidently reanimated by Willow. He and Buffy were on the brink of developing a romance when, during a battle with an Ancient One, Jonathan used all his telekinetic energy to save Buffy and Xander. The spell holding Jonathan in the current reality collapsed, his body returned to dust and his soul vanished. His loss sent a guilt ridden Buffy on an agonizing search to find his lost soul in the sequel "If I Should Die Before I Wake." Both are wonderful heart breaking stories from season two and archived on my own site. I'm considering adding them to Fanfic.net for a new group of writers and readers since they were written close to five years ago. That should provide the background for "On a river of crystal light."

**_ON A RIVER OF CRYSTAL LIGHT_**

"Winken and Blinken and Nod one night  
sailed off in a wooden shoe,  
Sailed on a river of crystal light,  
into a sea of dew."

"Pizza's here!" Dawn shouted from the kitchen.

"Buffy!" Willow called up the stairs. "Supper!" The second floor hallway was silent.

Dawn had already stuffed a whole slice into her mouth, Her cheeks bulged like a greedy mouse as she dropped a dripping wad of pepperoni and cheese onto her white blouse.

"Dawnie!" Willow exclaimed at the oily smear. Dawn glared back and growled, showing her teeth smeared with red tomato sauce and half chewed mozzarella.

"Yuck!" Willow turned away as Dawn relished her victory. Grossing out Willow was the only way she knew to keep from being nagged to death. And that nickname had to go!

"HEY BUFFY!" Dawn yelled between mouthfuls, "Pizza's getting cold!"

"And Dawn's gonna eat it all!" Willow called out as she walked back over to foot of the stairs. "We were just lucky somebody'd deliver this late . . . BUFFY!" Willow shouted up the stairs again.

"Eleven thirty's not so late." Dawn said, trying to sound as mature as possible.

"It's a school night and you should have been in bed an hour ago!" Willow lectured.

Dawn opened her pizza filled mouth again and stuck out her tongue. Willow was getting really annoying. Ever since the car wreck, she had been trying to win back Buffy's trust, being super protective of Dawn. But for Dawn, it was like having _two_ older sisters bossing her around, one of whom was obviously a recovering magic addict as well. It was bad enough she never saw her own sister anymore. She just couldn't take it much longer. The gross out was her last line of defense.

"Buffy!" Willow called out again, this time with a touch of apprehension in her voice. Dawn picked up on it right away. Quickly swallowing her mouthful, Dawn dropped the three quarters eaten slice and hopped up from the kitchen table. Joining Willow at the foot of the stairs, she stared up towards the second floor landing.

Dawn felt it again, the Fear. It was that thing she'd never been able to shake since she had come to learn what she really was. And it only grew with each crisis, with each struggle against the Darkness as Dawn lost, bit by bit, the only security she'd ever known. First her mother, then her identity and finally her sister Buffy. Buffy's return was miraculous, yes, but Joyce was gone forever. And Buffy was changed. And the Fear somehow always lurked. 

Here it was again, threatening to overwhelm her. Buffy could have just been asleep or in the bathroom but Logic was a poor defense against the Fear.

"You stay here," Willow said curtly as she started to climb the stairs. Dawn didn't argue. She waited until Willow was half way up the stairs and then followed.

The door to Buffy's bedroom stood ajar. Willow and Dawn cautiously poked their heads around the door jamb.

"What are you doing here?" Willow whispered to Dawn, "I told you to wait downstairs."

"Duh! I just live here!" 

Then Dawn yelled.

"HEY BUFFY! Where Are You?!"

"I'm out here guys," came the faint response from the darkness beyond the open window by Buffy's bed. The drapes waved slightly in the cool breeze as if beconing Dawn and Willow to follow the Slayer out into the night.

The gently sloped roof over the side porch of the Summers residence extended roughly fifteen feet beyond Buffy's window. Buffy lay on her back on the rough asphalt of the porch roof as she gazed up into the night sky. No trees surrounded this side of the house to obstruct the view.

Willow, followed by Dawn, clambered out the window. Each settled by Buffy's side. Dawn drew her knees up under chin and wrapped her arms around her legs.

"Whatcha doin'?" Dawn asked, now trying to feign her most innocent childlike voice. Sometimes that worked with her older sister when Dawn wanted to find out what Buffy was thinking.

"Nothing," Buffy said quietly. "Just looking at the stars."

"How long you been out here?" Willow asked tentatively.

"A while."

"It's real pretty," Dawn volunteered, hoping to get her sister to tell her more. "There's no moon so you can see a lot of 'em."

"Yeah." Buffy was silent for a moment. Then, without turning her head she spoke, and Willow could feel the weight in her friend's words that had become more and more evident in the weeks following her return from the dead.

"Will, you remember when we did this before? "

Willow frowned. 

"You mean, "she said, "that time on the High School steps?"

"Yeah," Buffy replied dreamily. "The night Jonathan died. A long time ago."

"Junior year," Willow said half to Dawn and half to herself.

"Who?" Dawn asked.

"Jonathan Martel. You probably don't remember him," Willow said.

"Yeah, I was too young," Dawn replied sarcastically.

"No, you do remember him, Dawn," Buffy continued still not taking her eyes off the curtain of stars draped across the sky. "He could find lost souls. He said many were in the stars and when things got tough and you wanted to be with someone who's gone, you just had to look up at the sky and they'd be with you."

"I think I do," Dawn answered, a flood of memories now washing over her. As she continued, Dawn didn't know where her thoughts were coming from but they were as clear as if she had truly shared the actual events with Buffy.

"I remember he was tall," Dawn began slowly, "was funny and had the stupidest clothes 'cause he wasn't from Sunnydale but from someplace centuries ago. He nearly cracked up Cordelia's car. You had a crush on him, Willow."

"Dawnie!" 

"Whatie?" Dawn grinned back. She could see Willow's face turn as red as her hair.

"And I remember he really cared for you, Buffy." Dawn nodded to the stars in the night sky. For the first time that evening, Buffy's face turned away from the darkness overhead as she and Dawn shared unspoken thoughts.

"Which star is it, Buffy?" Dawn asked. "I don't remember."

"Me neither," said Willow as she struggled to recall the night so long ago.

Buffy pointed to a bright pinpoint of light in the sky.

"Wow, it's really bright," Willow mused. "That's in Draco, the Dragon, Dawnie."

This time, Dawn ignored the annoying nickname. "Cool," she said as she slid up close beside her sister. "Who else do you see, Buffy?"

Buffy pointed to the sky.

"There, that one's Kendra."

"In the belt of the warrior Orion," Willow whispered in awe.

"And there, that one's Xander's friend, Jesse. And the pretty one over there, that's Jennie Calendar."

"Who's that one there?" Dawn asked pointing out a bright star at random.

"Right at the base of Ursus Major's tail," Willow announced with mock scientific accuracy.

"You mean under the Big Bear's butt?" Dawn replied.

"Snyder," Buffy answered with conviction.

Willow and Dawn laughed.

For a few minutes no one spoke. Finally Dawn nuzzled closer to Buffy and whispered.

"Buffy . . . where's Mom?"

Buffy turned to her sister.

"Dawn, any night you look up at the sky, find the brightest light you can . . . and that's her."

Dawn studied the lights overhead briefly. Then, satisfied, she lowered her head so her long brown hair hid her face from the others. Sitting up, Buffy spread her arm across her sister's shoulder and held her tightly.

How much time passed none of the three could tell. Eventually Willow sighed and yawned.

"I'm going in." 

"You, too, Dawn," Buffy said without taking her eyes off the sky. "You gotta get up for school in the morning."

"Screw that," Dawn growled.

Willow's eyes popped open in shock.

"Dawnie!" she scolded.

"Willie!" Dawn shot back.

"Knock it off you two," Buffy said with just enough firmness in her voice. She figured she'd probably go through this referee routine dozens if not hundreds of times in the coming months.

After that, everyone was quiet. Finally Dawn yawned and without a word crawled back in the open window. Willow rose to follow but hesitated a moment as she looked over her shoulder back at her friend.

Buffy, without stirring, sensed the unspoken question.

"Go ahead. I'll be in in a little bit."

The stars inched across the night sky. Dawn lay curled up beneath her mounds of comforters with stuffed animals all standing guard. As she slept, the Dragon of her Dreams was busy intimidating all her stupid teachers at Sunnydale High. Getting "A's" was no longer a problem. Here, no one dared stick her with detention because she had her Dragon by her side! No one argued with_ her Dragon! _

Now everyone wanted to be her friend, and while waiting in the lunch line, just for fun, she had him incinerate all the mystery meat with one disgusted snort. She laughed at his stupid looking boots and funny looking clothes and then gave him a hug just to let him know it was okay between them. For once, the Fear was nowhere to be seen. She grinned as she squeezed her pillow tightly.

Down the hall, Willow's head tipped forward slowly as her fingers ceased their constant race across the keypad of her i-Book. She slid down into the soft pillows beside her in the bed, and every now and then a petite little snore drifted from where her red hair spilled across her face. She smiled, too, as in her dreams Tara stroked her cheek and, as she had so often during the nights of the past few weeks, forgave her.

At the same time, Buffy still lay stretched out on the porch roof. Facing up to the stars in the sky as she had most of the evening, her eyes were now closed, her breathing, relaxed and full. Although the rough asphalt roofing under her hands cradling her head had scratched her skin, she didn't shift or wiggle to get more comfortable. She dreamed instead . . . of warmth, softness, a quiet light and being loved.

Overhead, the stars shined on brightly.

"So close your eyes while Mother sings  
of wonderful things that be.  
And you shall see the beautiful things  
as you rock in the misty sea.  
Where the old shoe rocked the fishermen three  
Winken and Blinken and Nod."

* * * * * *

  



End file.
